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Crissy interviews Anna for her birthday

What are the scents of your big three? (Sun moon rising for all who are not astro heads)

I’m a Virgo sun, obviously, because today is my birthday. I’m currently wearing Glass Blooms by Régime des Fleurs, which feels very Virgo in that it smells clean and prissy and like something a starved ballerina would wear.

I’m a Leo rising, which probably explains why I’m drawn to tuberose, the most extra flower there is. My friend Lucy Burrows whose taste I often steal gave me a decant of Annick Goutal’s Gardenia Passion, a discontinued tuberose bomb (don’t be fooled by the name) that makes me feel like a hot-headed alcoholic wife in the deep South. Someone on Fragrantica said it's “suitable for someone with a strong personality” i.e. me and a Leo rising.

My polar opposite taste for cool iris perfumes is perhaps attributable to my Aquarius moon, which is famously detached and difficult. Iris Silver Mist by Serge Lutens, which Scout Dixon West called a “cold steely bitch” is icy, challenging, and very Aquarius moon.

If your actual birth had a scent (and not a gross one, but a chic one) what would it be?

What a delightfully strange question! I’m going to say Acqua di Giò because that’s the only perfume my mom owned when I was growing up, although I think my dad got it for her and she never really wore it. But I associate it with the era of my mom that birthed me.

Choose scents for three of your most pivotal years.

Age 7: Pasta water, my mom’s Noxzema facewash, Dunkin Donuts.

Age 14: Neutrogena Rainbath body wash, Ralph by Ralph, Absolut Citron.

Age 27: Vape smoke, CK2, Domino’s cheesy bread.

Pick a scent for each of your books, obviously.

Ooo fun, okay! My first book Vagablonde is very indie sleaze-coded. It’s about a lawyer who basically wants to be Uffie. This is a party girl book so I’m going to pair it with the ultimate niche party girl scent, Lightsource by Andrea Maack, which is meant to be a “euphoric ode to 90s rave culture” and feels neon and sparkly in the way the book does.

Bad Lawyer is Sycomore by Chanel because if I were to go back to law I would def wear this to court, not that I ever went to court when I was a lawyer, but I’m imagining like a Damages-esque situation—Glenn Close as Patty Hewes would totally throw a stapler at someone’s head in Sycomore. Exalted is for the astrology hoes, so I’m going to go with Scorpio Rising by Eris Parfums (the main character is a Scorpio stellium, so!). Perfume & Pain is absolutely Moonmilk by Stora Skuggan, which isn’t named by brand in the book but the reference is obvious, and I really think Stora Skuggan should give me a free bottle based on how many people I’ve encouraged to buy it. The main character (not me) thinks moonmilk is a euphemism for female secretions and sees a breast in the bottle cap. What a freak…….

American Spirits isn’t out yet, but I’m going to pair it with Dream Sequence by Marissa Zappas because this book is the American landscape that inspired the perfume—“a swirling rush of greenery, earth, and purple petals,” “the dark technicolor of an August sky”—and also my subconscious.

As a former lawyer (sorry!) please choose a scent to file a lawsuit against and explain its crime.

I am filing a lawsuit against Maison Francis Kurkdjian (MFK) for intentional infliction of emotional distress (IIED) in creating Baccarat Rouge 540 (BR540). I took the bar exam 13 years ago and am no longer licensed to practice in the state of California (or anywhere else), so I looked up the elements of IIED. First, I’d have to prove extreme and outrageous conduct, “beyond all bounds of decency, utterly intolerable in a civilized community.” MFK surely trampled the bounds of decency in launching this chemical sugar plastic bomb for the masses. Next, I have to show intent or reckless disregard. I don’t think I can show MFK intended to hurt me specifically, but I do believe launching this nasty and nuclear perfume displayed at the very least a reckless disregard for human well-being. Then, causation: I’d show that but for BR540’s existence, I would not be suffering this unique blend of nausea and cultural resentment. And the proximate cause is clear: the wave of dupes spread the offending smell far beyond luxury department stores. Finally, I have to prove severe emotional distress, and I have the psych bills to back that shit up. Case closed, bitches!

See I am not the only one who feels this way….

Who, besides me, is your favorite writer in the world of perfumes?

Besides you, my fave fragrance writer is Luca Turin, who you got me into! He is such a bitchy queen! His iconic Perfumes: The Guide includes zingers such as: “I absolutely cannot imagine how any self-respecting woman would smell this nondescript, sour, dowdy floral and feel it’s for her.” (About Amyris Femme by my much-hated MFK thank you very much!) For the record, he says BR540 smells like Hawaiian Punch and is “much less than the grand perfume it purports to be.” He also says of my cherished Sycomore: “If putting it on does not make you shiver with pleasure, see a doctor.”

Honorable mentions to: Crissy Milazzo, the most fun fragrance writer there is (sorry I’m breaking the rules but as an Aquarius moon I really can’t help it); Maddie Phinney, who we interviewed; Lucy Burrows, who I’ve referenced on here many times as my personal perfume whisperer and Fragrantica wizard; and Audrey Robinovitz, whose perfume Substack is fantastic. Oh, also Courtney Rafuse’s scent descriptions for Universal Flowering are High Art.

If you could create a scent wardrobe for one it girl, who would it be? What does she need to wear?

Obsessed with this question. I’m gonna do my favorite nepo baby, Romy Mars, i.e. Sofia Coppola’s teen daughter. I’ve always had an affinity for Sofia’s languid, dreamy vision and the incredible slip dresses she wore at premieres in the 90s. And while her appeal has always been her aloof, elusive vibe and incredible aesthetic choices, her daughter is the complete opposite: she’s very extra and tacky. My friend Nicola and I frequently discuss her endearingly terrible personal style, like she has access to one of the best wardrobes in the country i.e. her mom’s closet, and also likely has her mom’s credit card, yet she somehow dresses the exact way I dressed as a teen, in tight, tight, tight cheap fabrics that push her tiny breasts together. But she’s very funny! And seems fun!

Sofia does not seem fun at all. Cool, yes. Fun, no. Romy is fun but not cool. While her mom likely wears a barely-there skin scent, something melancholic and French, a whisper of iris or violet, I imagine Romy smells like a sugar cookie. I’m initially picturing Indult by Tihota, the reigning queen of bakery vanillas. I see Romy dousing herself in it before squeezing herself into a Skims Henley and making yet another TikTok about the plight of having iconic parents, or recording a pop song with lyrics like: “If you wanna see how hard it is to listen to you talk / just look down at yourself when I take my clothes off” (actual lyrics on her banger “Ego”).

Relatedly! It feels weird to say this about a teen, but Romy also has a whorish vibe. I mean this as a compliment of course. While she has two children and presumably has had sex, Sofia doesn’t seem to fuck; Romy does. This means I see her wearing cherry. I’m thinking Rouge Smoking by BDK, which has notes of cherry, vanilla, and musk. The copy describes a woman whose “erotic energy leaves indelible footprints on the streets.” That’s Romy Mars, but instead of Pigalle, it’s Lehigh University.

Ok, I’m going to pick a third for the version of Romy that appeared at the Chanel show earlier this year, the one wearing smoky eye makeup that made her almost look chic. But she’s still Romy, so she has to be extra. For this look, I’m going to go with Le Lion by Chanel, an audacious amber whose name derives from the fact that Coco was a Leo. Romy is not a Leo, but she is a fire sign, obviously. And I see her graduating to this uber expensive scent once she graduates from her uber expensive liberal arts college.