The Most Famous Girls at the Waffle House 🧇🌹💥

Perfuming the ultimate sad girl showdown

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Aug 19, 2025

They say the Lana Del Rey v Ethel Cain beef is like Kendrick v Drake for depressed bitches. And they are correct. For those blessed not to know: last week, Lana teased the diss track, “All About Ethel,” a nod to the 1950 film All About Eve, where a younger actress slowly sidelines an aging icon until the crown is hers. For context, from the minute Ethel hit the scene with her ethereal gothic Americana, people saw Lana 2.0. Both girlies also dated Salem’s Jack Donoghue and posted near-identical photos with him in 2022—although Ethel dated him first, which undercuts the All About Eve allegations. And their sounds are quite distinct: Ethel excels at layered, reverberant production; Lana’s gift is in crafting sublime and unforgettable melodies. Ethel has expressed frustration with the comparisons, saying they flatten both artists. Lana seems pissed for different reasons. After Ethel revealed that Lana had blocked her on IG, Lana elaborated that she only knew who Ethel was because she’d heard she’d been posting memes comparing her to “unflattering creatures” and was “definitely disturbed.” The resentment rings crystal clear on the diss track, which begins: “Ethel Cain hated my Instagram post.” She also sings about “the most famous girl at the Waffle House,” apparently referencing the 2022 New York Times profile of Ethel that Lana mocked in 2023 by cosplaying as a Waffle House employee (strange flex!). Nicki Minaj summed it up best when she posted on X last week: “I’ve been singing ‘Ethel cain hated my instagram post' all morning. Help!!!!! And something about the Waffle House & a picture w/some boy? But how can a melody & instruments & background vocals & the mixing be so good that I’m walking around all day talking about a person named Ethel who I do not know”....

….A. Person. Named. Ethel. Who. I. Do. Not. Know!!! Nicki kept going, referencing Lana’s since-deleted 2020 Instagram post where she called out several pop artists including Nicki for getting praise for singing about sex and scandal while she was criticized for doing the same. Five years later, Nicki responded: “Remember that time Lana dissed all the girlies but we had no idea why but none of us said anything back? Lmaooooo not we let Lana walk in the lunchroom & run EVERYBODY pockets wit no weapon & no gang & said not one thing about it. Lmfaooooo. AYO I fkng love this shit yo. ” Nicki absolutely has the right attitude. This is public theater people are taking way too seriously, picking sides and being sanctimonious. It’s not that deep. It’s merely a classic case of two messy auteurs with adjacent aesthetics adjusting their psych meds at the same time. And when Lana Del Rey comes for you, it’s a gift to be celebrated! As a random gay on TikTok said: “lana is allowed to be upset by ethel cain’s memes and make it about herself and ethel should continue being grotesque, mean and fringe. this is a perfect example of two artists doing exactly what they should be doing. my blessings to both of them.” Amen sis! Ok, let’s scent this cute little debacle.

White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor

While Lana has been rumored to wear Creed’s Spring Flower, Ethel is a certified fraghead (our people) who has made entire videos dedicated to describing her favorite perfumes. Among these is White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor, the first fragrance she ever bought and a scent that feels like Lana in a bottle. Ethel was a Lana fan before they started hating each other, and White Diamonds is the version of Ethel that adored Lana, a perfume that imagines them sharing lipstick backstage instead of hissing at each other online. Like Ethel’s Southern Gothic dirges and Lana’s Old Hollywood torch songs, White Diamonds is the American feminine epic: aldehydes, carnations, tuberose, and musk evoking long hair caught in cigarette smoke, wilted church flowers, and bruised lips harmonizing sad melodies. If Lana is California noir through an Instagram filter, and Ethel is haunted shoegaze looping on TikTok, White Diamonds is the original VHS tape passed down through your grandmother’s vanity drawer. But somehow it’s not dated at all: still glamorous, still chainsmoking, still ready to come for her nemesis then steal her man.

Hot or cold? Hot like stage lights on your head.
Color? Champagne.
Who wears it? Your glamorous grandmother lighting her cigarette on the stove.
Place? Dressing room at a historic theater.
Animal? Silver fox.
Theme Song? “Diamonds Are Forever” by Shirley Bassey.
Texture? Mink stole on your cheek.
Signature drink? Dirty martini, extra olives.
Favorite word? “Fabulous.”
Ripe or dead? Dead like the bouquet on the altar.

—Anna

Center of the World by Mondo Mondo

Recently, I was in Rome (not to brag) when I encountered on the street two drunk teenage-ish girls singing “Summertime Sadness” (in heavy Italian accents). Shortly after, I was at the Jersey Shore (full brag) where I witnessed a young woman clad in a red gingham bikini, sprawled out on a towel, tanning her ass while reading the Bible. The universe was speaking to me! Anna texted me mere minutes later to ask if we should cover—journalistically, of course—this beef on our substack, and it all came together. Instantly, I thought of Mondo Mondo’s Center of the World, which smells exactly like a hot girl reading a Bible on the beach—Ethel Cain is obviously born of the Bible Belt herself, while Lana is her own religion. Center of the World smells vaguely smoky, very earthy and woody, and kind of clean. The sage and musk linger with light florals and something resinous, altogether creating a scent that I’m pretty sure Jesus wore as he exited the tomb...or at least this is the scent he used when he was washing prostitutes’ feet or something. It’s a beautiful fragrance fit for both of our crucified queens.

Hot or cold? Flame on a prayer candle.
Color? Burnt amber.
Who wears it? Good girls gone bad.
Place? Bonfire behind the church.
Animal? White dove in the wild.
Theme Song? "Tulsa Jesus Freak” by Lana Del Rey.
Texture? Oil used in an ancient bath ritual.
Signature drink? Stolen communion wine.
Favorite word? “Amen.”
Ripe or dead? Dead but regenerating.

—Crissy

Rosae Mundi by Profumum

The name of this perfume is supposed to mean ‘rose of the world,’ but I honestly forget where I read that. The website’s description basically throws a very random line or two of poetry your way, which is of course both very Lana and very Ethel. It’s impossible for me to think of either of these women without thinking of roses—Lana braiding them through her hair, telling a man he made her trade violets for roses, and Ethel pressing them in between Bible pages, drying out dead ones on a laundry line, maybe tattooing a finely drawn rose on her ankle to add to her collection. This scent is rose mixed with sex and spiciness, thick with oud and incense and patchouli. It’s the scent of the question for the culture, really: one you’d wear while being sexy, wearing no clothes, fucking, cheating, etc. Perhaps you’d wear it while singing about being embodied, feeling beautiful by being in love even if the relationship is not perfect, or dancing for money, or whatever you want—without being crucified! And yes, this is the second time I’ve quoted the question for the culture on this substack and no, it will not be the last.

Hot or cold? Cold and borrowing his suit jacket.
Color? Positively blushing.
Who wears it? Women who don’t think before hitting ‘post.’
Place? Stoned in the garden.
Animal? German Shepherd on an album cover.
Theme Song? “Fuck Me Eyes” by Ethel Cain.
Texture? Silk pillowcase.
Signature drink? Rose-infused tea brewed at 2am.
Favorite word? “Question…”
Ripe or dead? Ripe and wild.

—Crissy

Coney Island Baby by Scout Dixon West

Much like Lana and Ethel, Scout Dixon West has perfect cheekbones and was cancelled for running her mouth online. When I included this perfume in our Brooklyn-themed camera roll a few weeks ago, I had at least one DM demanding to know why I included Scout. Why it would surprise anyone at this point when I align myself with a beautiful edgelord is beyond me. Anyway! This perfume is frankly not something I’d spray on purpose, but I can imagine both Lana and Ethel liking it as it smells like waffle cone and hot asphalt, i.e. sweet and edgy and literally The Most Famous Girl at the Waffle House. Also, it shares a name with an album by Lana’s favorite, Lou Reed, and a seaside carnival town widely considered to be the beating heart of kitschy Americana. As long as Scout doesn’t start dating Jack Donoghue any time soon, I think our fave sad girls could both find a new bff in Coney Island Baby.

Hot or cold? Hot like burning asphalt.
Color? Sun-bleached pink.
Who wears it? Sweet girls with secret knife collections.
Place? Coney Island, baby!
Animal? Seagull with a French fry.
Theme Song? “Coney Island Baby” by Lou Reed.
Texture? Burnt rubber.
Signature drink? Cherry Coke.
Favorite word? “Dusty.”
Ripe or dead? Dead like old funnel cake face-down in the sand.